Buttdialing: The Bane of My Existence

My first name is Aaron. It’s a good name, and I’m always first whenever names are listed alphabetically by first name. But it’s become a problem over the last year. Why?

Because I’m constantly getting called by other people’s rear ends.

Yes. I’m a constant victim of butt-dialing. It’s a burden those of us with a first name that begins with “A” all share. Everyone named Aaron, Allison, Abigail, Allen, Amanda, and Adam can relate to my pain. There’s an emptiness to answering the phone to talk to someone who didn’t want to call you in the first place. It’s a difficult pill to swallow. Hell, there are probably some of you named Brian, Beth, and Brad that understand the hurt of being butt-dialed, but not quite as much.

And considering the despair and resentment we butt-dialing victims go through after every call, it’s nice to know that other people can make fun of it. T-Mobile even thought it was humourous enough to make a commercial:

Hilarious… Way to kick an entire group of people when they’re down. I know this plague couldn’t have been foreseen as cell phone technology continued to evolve. But aren’t we far enough along to realize the damage we’re doing to all the “A” people of the world? All we need is for all cell phones to either flip close or require a security code in order to make a call. It’s just that easy!

I don’t know how much more I can take, people! How many times do I have to answer the phone to hear a garbled conversation in the background? (Why wasn’t I invited to dinner?) Or the sounds of my so-called “friends” at a club or party with music blaring over the line? (What? I’m not fun enough to come to the party?) Or the worst: when a friend or relative’s toddler gets into her purse and starts playing with the phone… the horror!

Butt-dialing is an epidemic that needs erradicated, like WebTV or New Coke. If not for my sanity, then for all the Aarons and Adams and Abbies to be born in the future. Let’s do it for the children!

Aaron (Butt-dialing victim)

*Ring*… Oh, I’m getting a call… DAMMIT!!!