I’m a member of the Air National Guard. I’m both a member of the military, and still not a member of the military. It’s confusing, so I’ll spare you the explanation. One thing I share with all servicemen is the close kinship I’ve developed with those I work alongside. For example, a co-worker was having marriage troubles a few months ago. He finally said he needed to move out of his home and, in mid-March, he asked me if he could move into my downstairs living area until he found an apartment he could afford. He’s 48 year-old, has four children, four grandchildren, and he’s now renting the living area beneath me and in the process of getting a divorce.
It’s a sad story. But for those of you familiar with military families, you recognize how high the divorce rate is. It’s a dark joke among service people that we all go through at least one divorce, most of the time, two.
How is this story relevent to an emerging media blog? Let me tell you.
We were at a bar the other night talking about all the personal stuff you don’t usually share with others (another commonality among most military people). He said that his iPhone and his Facebook account ruined his life. WHAT?! You read that right. He blamed the break-up of his marriage on Facebook and his iPhone. When I asked him what he meant, he told me about how his wife wanted him to stop looking at pornography on the Internet, so he got an iPhone to make it more convenient. His wife found out, of course, and wasn’t happy. He also found his old high school girlfriend through Facebook. The two of them started chatting, then texting, and then started seeing each other.
Now, the guy is an idiot for blaming his situation on Facebook and his iPhone. He was obviously not happy in the marriage and looking for a way out. He was a selfish jerk. He was cruel to his wife and children. And regardless of how often he argued with the wife (she isn’t blameless for the situation, but that’s not relevent to the blog), the two should have ended things better.
Social networking sites and smartphones are just tools. People can use them however they want to use them. But the situation got me thinking. Are other people doing similar things? It turns out that they are.
The LA Times reported that a Canadian study among college students found that couples on Facebook used the service more often for investigative purposes for their significant other rather then to enhance the relationship:
http://www.latimes.com/features/chi-la-he-capsule10-2009aug10,0,6068403.story
As I’ve complained about before, social media sites and mobile devices are also having a negative impact on communication and social interaction. A woman I work closely with was going through a rough time last fall. She wouldn’t say what was bothering her, but she was constantly checking her text messages and her MySpace and Facebook sites. She’s 28 years-old! (27, at the time) I occasionally offered to listen to what was bothering her, but she wouldn’t say anything. I finally told her that she could talk to me or call anytime. She finally asked if she could text me. Why? Because she doesn’t like to talk to people. She prefers texting.
Unbelievable! And I’m not the only one that thinks so. Elizabeth Berstein of The Wall Street Journal agrees that social networking sites and texting have affected many of her relationships with her friends. Instead of just talking, they’d rather post messages about themselves for everyone to see… most of time boring crap that nobody cares about:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204660604574370450465849142.html
The more I used social networking sites and the more I study them for IMC courses, the more I get disgusted with them. Not actually the sites, but the people that use them. I’m not saying that everybody on Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter is a moron, but a lot of them are. And they all have one other thing in common.
Like the girl at work who won’t talk to people about what’s bothering her, but will send you a text or will post it on her Facebook page. And like the dude living in my house who was selfish enough to use his iPhone to surf porn when his wife told him it bothered her. And like everyone else who constantly gets on their Facebook and Twitter pages or holds text conversations for hours when an actual conversation the same length would take about ten minutes.
They’re all narcissists.
Let’s face it. Social networking sites are a good way to keep in touch with people. But they’re a GREAT way for other people to keep in touch with YOU. How else can people feel good about their mostly mundane, boring lives? It’s a built-in audience. You’re the star! People finally seem to care what you have to say. And the more friends you accept, the greater the audience. (Those of you who may point out that it’s narcissitic to write a blog hoping people will read it and share their opinions of your opinions, you’re correct. I understand the hypocrasy. But at least I have something to say, and I use more than 140 words to say it.)
“John Smith is going to feed his dog and then do laundry.” 14 people like this…
“Mary Jones thinks Ryan Seacrest is being mean to tonight’s Idol contestants.” 6 people agree with this…
WHO CARES?! John could’ve fed his dog and put one load in the washer in the time it took him to log-on and post that. And Mary’s opinion about what she’s watching on TV is about as empty as the sofa cushion beside her and the 12 bon-bon wrappers at her feet. But you know what? They’ve found a couple of other people out there interested enough to read their posts.
As for my tenant and the girl at work, I’ve become immune to their idiocy. Let him wallow in the muddy life he’s created for himself while blaming technology. And let her bask in the pity she wants from all her Facebook friends, hoping for close, interpersonal relationships, while shrugging off human interaction to pay attention to her Blackberry.
It just give me more to write about.
Aaron (Narcissist)